A NORTHUMBERLAND couple has said they are 'completely different people' after completing a course on how to 'argue better'.

Katie and Declan Commins discovered their now 20-month-old son Elijah had Spina Bifida, a condition that means a baby's spine and spinal cord does not develop properly in the womb, during a routine 20-week scan.

They were offered pioneering treatment in Belgium where medics carried out surgery in the womb to repair the spine. 

Now, following operations on his spine and hips and regular therapy sessions, he’s impressing medics with his progress and will hopefully soon take his first steps.

But the pressure of the last few years had begun to take a toll on his parents’ relationship, which was also impacting on Elijah and his sister Edith, five, they said. 

They were referred by their health visitor to a free course called Arguing Better offered by Northumberland County Council.

"It was all getting on top of us and we were not talking about what was going on with Elijah – or anything really," said Declan. "It just wasn't very healthy.

"The course has done wonders for us and it’s also helped us open up about his disability and how we are going to go forward as a family."

Katie added: "When our health visitor mentioned a course called Arguing Better we thought ‘What? We’re not that bad, we don’t need that!’

"But right from the start, we started to feel the benefits – not just for us but for our whole family.

"I think everyone should go on this course once in their life – we keep telling all our friends about it. Sometimes life gets in the way – it could be a new baby, a new job or financial worries  - and you forget you need to talk to each other and listen.

"Our children weren’t coping very well with how we were reacting to certain things, so they are communicating with us better and we’re listening more to them.

"We’re completely different people – I feel like we’ve woken up."

Vicki Collins, practice and project development officer who leads on developing the courses in Northumberland, said: "It’s normal to argue – that's how you talk things through – but it’s the way you argue is imperative to solving issues and stop the feeling of going round in circles.

"When arguments become frequent, intense and poorly resolved they have a negative impact on you and your family.

"This course is not about telling couples what to do – it just gives them a space to talk about things and find new ways to react when things are stressful.

"Katie and Declan have been fantastic to work with and we’re so pleased it’s made a difference to their family."

Arguing Better is one of three free Healthy Relationship courses offered by Northumberland County Council through its Family Hubs.

Guy Renner-Thompson, cabinet member with responsibility for children’s services, said: "Family life can bring lots of different challenges. These short courses are a brilliant resource that parents can access for free to learn coping skills to help manage stress and learn tools to reduce arguments at home which can negatively impact their children too. 

"We are really grateful to Katie and Declan for sharing their story with us and we hope it will encourage others to take a look and find out more about the support available."

For more information on how to access the courses, visit https://www.northumberland.gov.uk/healthyrelationships.aspx